I finally got a job interview! I’m writing this before the interview, but I’ll let you know how it goes. Unless it’s horrible and I say something completely stupid which is not uncommon for me to do when I’m nervous. Then I might not tell you anything and we’ll just forget I ever had an interview in the first place!
I haven’t worked in almost 4 years. That is crazy when I think about it. It really doesn’t seem like that’s possible. I never wanted to be a stay at home mom, but circumstances led me to it. When I was pregnant with my son, I had no intentions of staying home. I went right back to work when my maternity leave was over. I don’t even recall having a hard time going back. I did have a hard time going back after my daughter was born, but I still had no desire to stay home full time. I couldn’t understand what there was to do all day and figured I would just be bored and then go shopping, spending money I didn’t have.
I’ve been home since my daughter was 9 months old. My being home has allowed my kids to do things they wouldn’t have been able to do if I was working – preschool, sports, and other activities. I’ve been able to go to events at their school. I’ve been there in the afternoons to help with homework or take them on adventures. All things that won’t happen if I’m working. I want to be there for my kids. I want to be able to have time to sit down to dinner at night, a dinner I made, not something I picked up. I want them to be able to do any activity they want and me be able to drive them there. I want to be able to volunteer in their class if needed. Nix that, I just want to be able to say I could volunteer, I don’t actually want to do it. Then I wonder how I’m going to have time to do everything. Never mind the fact that I got everything done before when I worked full time. When am I going to have time to grocery shop, run errands, blog (I take this blogging thing seriously, people!), laundry, and whatever else? I don’t want to spend my weekends running errands and cleaning. No one does though. Odds are that any job I get will have a commute time, probably an hour to two a day. That eats into my kid time. I don’t want to get home at 6 or 7 every night, just to turn around and get them ready for bed. I want to actually spend time with my kids.
After a day of going over all that in my head, I had to start convincing myself why working again is a good thing. There are days when I talk to no other adults besides my husband. Part of that is because we just moved and I don’t really have any friends that live close. The money would also be useful. I need to use my mind. After I stopped working initially, I felt a little dumber each day. Once I started volunteering, that feeling went away and thankfully hasn’t returned. Also, my daughter will start kindergarten next year. They won’t need me as much if they are in school all day.
I always liked working. Well, when I liked my job I did. I had one boss who was a complete psychotic bitch. That wasn’t fun, but otherwise, I’ve always liked working. I like feeling useful and doing things. Not that I don’t feel useful and do things at home, but you get my drift. I’ve rehashed this tons of times and I know I’ve talked about it here before. I know I’m not alone in this struggle and I know what the outcome will be. I’ll be fine once I get back into it. I just have to get there first.
Edited to add: The interview went really well. I liked both the women who interviewed me, they seemed to like me, we had a great talk, and they said I could work from home 2 days a week. I sent a follow up email, so we’ll see! If I’m being honest though, I want blogging to pay my bills. Sadly, it doesn’t even come close.